It was fun. It was relaxed. It started and ended on time, with no waiting around. It produced tangible results and a few intangible ones too. And most of all, it helped my clients get along better together. Senior social worker Jane Rees on the alternative to going to family court. 

This was my experience, my first and only so far, with the Toronto Centre for Child and Family Mediation. It was a wholly satisfying experience that made me a convert to the process. Now I want to convince other social workers to save themselves some aggravation and try mediation for their cases. In order to do so, I will walk you through my case process, with a special focus on what it was like for me, the case manager. 

The Issues
The case was focused entirely on the issue of whether or not the ongoing access visits (held four times a year) would be supervised or unsupervised. It was the agency's position that the visits should be fully supervised by the children's service worker due to several factors - the age of the three children (three, four and nine years old), the history of physical abuse, sexual abuse and neglect by the parents, the wishes of the children for supervised visits and the ongoing failure of the natural parent to accept responsibility for failing to adequately care for and protect the children while they were in her custody.

The case had become mine after the children became Crown (permanent) wards and their files were transferred to the agency's Long Term Care unit. There had been a lengthy and hostile trial concerning Crown wardship and the family were dissatisfied with the outcome. Through this process, the relationship between the agency social workers and the natural family members had become very strained. 

Reluctant Convert 
I was a reluctant convert to the idea of mediation. I was worried that what I considered to be the "bottom line" for the children would be compromised in discussions with the family. I agreed to try mediation, at the agency lawyer's encouragement, considering that it would be much better than going through what she anticipated would be a two week long trial, and because I was reassured that, if the mediation was unsatisfactory, I could still pursue a court hearing. 

I was also reluctant to try mediation because - being honest here - I was a little bit indignant at the suggestion that I needed someone else's mediation skills to assist in resolving the situation. I had already held a series of meetings with the natural family members (a mother, a grandmother and an aunt) and I thought I had achieved an improvement in communication with them. I'd also started the process of improving relations between them and the foster mother which were also extremely strained at the time of transfer. I had furthermore prepared a detailed report of my assessment of the children's best interest. 

Nonetheless, I had to admit I had reached an impasse with the family once the time of decision making had arrived. Tensions were building again once I made my recommendations known and mediation presented itself as a way of continuing the discussions we had begun, between myself, the natural family and the foster mom. 

Pleasant Surprise
I was very glad to have an initial meeting alone with the mediator. It gave me a chance to impress on her my concerns regarding the children's needs. (The natural family and the foster mother also had this opportunity to share their individual concerns.) Still, I went into the first joint mediation session quite apprehensive and even pulled the mediator aside before we started to remind her of my concerns.

I was pleasantly surprised by what happened after this. All of the three meetings we held over a span of about six weeks were remarkably productive and tensions were kept to a minimum. Everyone had a chance to speak and many concerns and feelings were aired. Particularly important was the voicing by both the natural family and the foster mother of their genuine love and concern for the three children. 

It was this voicing of feelings that I think was most significant about the mediation process. It hadn't been possible to achieve this in a CAS office. In the agency office and especially in the courtroom, the natural family were completely unable to believe that they were being heard. And it took me being in another environment (all mediation takes place in the mediator's office) to realize for myself how much the setting matters. Mediation allowed for the listening to happen because it allowed for us to be who we are, including myself as a CAS social worker. 

Part of the Process 
As I reflected on the success of our mediation process I realized several things: 
Mediation did not replace the work I had to do, either in establishing a relationship with the family or in assessing the children's needs. It did act as an aid in the final decision making stage of the process.

• The parenting capacity report that I had prepared had acted as a "silent partner" in the mediation process since my observations and conclusions had been laid out and read by the parties prior to the mediation. The issues that had been addressed in my report were all discussed during the mediation sessions, although the report itself was never once referred to

• The mediation sessions assisted in the process of grieving that the natural family had to complete after the children became Crown wards. Mediation did this by enabling me to hear their pain in the presence of the mediator, someone whom they trusted to be more objective and open to listening, not invested in getting past the pain in order to serve the children's interests.

• Once the family's feelings associated with their loss were heard, we were better able to focus on the needs of the three children. The concerns brought forward by myself and the children's foster mother were heard and largely accepted by the natural family.
  

Lasting Results 
When I first met with the foster mother in this case, she requested that I ask the natural family to await inside the Family Resource Centre (where the access visits took place) when she dropped off the children and that the family be already packed and gone in their car before she arrived to come and pick them up. Such was the animosity of their relationship. Imagine my amazement then, when at the end of our final mediation session, the same foster mother sought out the natural mother to give her a big hug in a symbolic gesture acknowledging their shared love for these children.

More recently, we have begun freer telephone communication between the two families, even to allow the foster and natural families to discuss issues concerning the children. It's sure a big help to me in an ongoing way for these two families to be able to relate to one another. In fact, although I was a bit late getting to the last access visit, I did not worry because I knew that they would get along fine without me. 

Flexible Agreement 
All right, so none of you are denying the importance or the satisfaction of the "feel good" intangible stuff. But what about the "bottom line" I referred to initially? Were the children's interests served? 

I think so. The final agreement was a rather lengthy, detailed document. The family agreed to fully supervised access visits for so long as it was deemed necessary by the agency in consultation with the children. I agreed to be as invisible as possible on the visits and we all agreed that the plans could be changed over time as the children matured and were more comfortable with their natural family. In addition, we agreed to hold semi-regular progress review meetings and the family agreed to assist in locating early photographs for the children. We also agreed to return to mediation if we ran into problems in the future.

The Outcome
This case will continue to have ongoing stresses, I've no doubt of that. The tensions of hostility and mistrust will return from time to time. However, I do feel more confident now that we have worked through some very important decision making in a way that was therapeutic for the family and for the foster parent. Working together can only be positive for the children as we all try to help them prepare for the challenges of the future. 

	This article was printed in Communicate,  the newspaper of the Children's Aid Society of Toronto, 33 Charles Street East, Toronto, Ontario M4Y 1R9. Telephone: (416) 924-4646 © 1998. All rights reserved.

Back to Mediation Index		Back to Site Topics
Print Document